Warning: This trilogy has a lot of DARK things that may upset/trigger people. I understand that some people don't want to read about bad things. This is your warning. I will be discussing things from the book (which might include suicide, child harm, rape...things of that nature so please don't continue if that will upset you).
As I was doing the book trailers for Fading Lights today, I got to thinking about this trilogy and the journey it was to get it published and out there. So I thought I'd talk about it a little.
I wrote Taboo as my first NaNo project in 2008. I was living in the abyss then. I've gotten out and I'm living on the edge of it at least for now. The published version is very dark but it's not as dark as it was. Taboo was literally me throwing this sweet, innocent, good character into a world full of every single bad thing I could think of. Writing has always been my therapy and I torture the characters I love the most. Whenever anyone asks me which of my characters I would bring to life, it's always Durriken. There is only one other character in my head I love more than this one and he's only published in snippets.
This trilogy is why I went with self-publishing. When I finished it I realized that there was a lot of stuff in it that publishing companies wouldn't want to touch. I didn't want it edited out. It is there for a reason. Not to thrill, or promote bad things, but because we've swept these things under the rug too long. I didn't throw them in there to sensationalize these things. I threw as much as I could in there because I wanted as many people as possible who have lived through bad things to be able to relate. There's the graphic loss of an unborn child. There's children being kidnapped and destroyed. There's rape. There's a suicide attempt. There's incest. There's abuse. There's slavery. There's sex trafficking. There's devastating loss of loved ones. Religious abuse.
There are a lot of BAD things in this trilogy. I'm not joking. "Oh, she's so sweet and nice she couldn't write something horrible." Yes, I can. I shock the people who know me that these dark horrible things come out of my mind. But I hope you'll let me explain why before you just assume things.
Bad things exist. They happen to good people. A lot of time they are unnoticed. It bothers me that so many people suffer in silence with no support because we've swept so much under the rug.
I named the series Fading Lights because the boys are represented to Diajik as lights that can drive back the darkness. And when they die they flicker and fade out and the darkness rushes in. I truly personally believe every person on the planet is here for some reason, not in some grand preachy religious way, but because you were meant to cross paths with people that you do (though many may never find that reason). I've lost people I cared about and sat there and asked why or if I could've done more.
I had already written these books when the One More Light song by Linkin Park was released. They sang so beautifully why I wrote these books. I was sitting on them. They were too dark and horrible and I was afraid to release them. Then that song came out and hit me very hard. Then Chester died and I took that even worse. I take every death of that nature extremely hard when I hear about it.
At the time I had the desperate urge that I had to publish these books. There was some reason they needed to be out there. So in 2019, I did. I had been afraid of publication my entire life and too scared to do it. That gave me the bravery to do it.
That is why I wrote these books. Even if I published it JUST for one person to read it a hundred years down the road, that's good enough. Because if you're in the abyss I want to give you a flicker of hope. I don't want to drown you and drive you back into the dark. I don't want to pretend it's easy to crawl out of the abyss. It isn't. It's a long dark road and sometimes it's one bad thing after another and you feel like you can't go on any longer.
I didn't write Fading Lights to get rich or famous. I wrote it because I hope I can reach at least one person who otherwise would've given up. I hope my writing can touch someone and bring them back from the edge. I hope that reading about my characters surviving horrors helps you find the strength to make it through whatever you're going through. Because I know from experience that sometimes the light is too strong, it's blinding. It makes you feel worse to seek it out so you seek out things like what I wrote instead. Sometimes it makes you feel better to read about someone who has it worse than you do. Sometimes it just helps to know you aren't the only one suffering.
It's okay. I understand. That's why these books exist.
My work will be too dark for most readers. That's okay with me too.
I wish it was too dark for all of us.
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